An ally of Chunklet had his house burn down this week which is very sad. One of his pets died in the ensuing fire which has got to be unbelievably heart breaking. However, with this said, this ally of Chunklet’s co-owns Matador Records. Said ally has probably a ten year head start on anybody that has ever read Chunklet. And that’s a pretty safe assumption.
Say what you will about Matador (either positive or negative), but what I’ve always loved about Gerard is that he’s never one to back down from a good fight in a tongue-in-cheek fashion. So about two years ago, he started shooting across the bow of Victory Records which I’m perfectly fine with. Oh, and then he shot across their bow again. Again, I’m fine with that too. Comedy is my life.
Now, I’ve been burgled twice which can’t even compare to an entire house with a lifetime of memories burned to the ground. And yeah, I’ve poked at people over the years but to think that anybody would say that any tragedy is karma is just a fucking asshole. So…..
I nabbed these Victory jokes off the web with the hopes that the Chunklet comment section elite will come out to play and beef this list up because, well, it’s almost too nice. I’m sorry, but this really upsets me more than the fact that nobody I know can mention one decent record he’s ever released. Ever.
Q: What’s the difference between a prostitute and a band on Victory?
A: The prostitute actually gets paid for getting screwed.
Q: What does the Victory band get that the prostitute doesn’t?
A: Slapped around.
Q: How many albums does a Victory band need to sell to earn a royalty?
A: When it happens, we’ll let you know.
Q: Why do most stories about Victory bands feature a picture of Tony Brummel instead of the band?
A: It was his favorite picture from their photo shoot.
Q: What does a new band need to get signed to Victory?
A: A rejection from every other record label.
Q: What’s the difference between payola and Tony Brummel?
A: Payola isn’t a complete embarrassment to the music industry.
Q: Why doesn’t Tony Brummel get a hair piece?
A: He hasn’t figured out a way to charge it back to one of his bands.
Q: What’s the difference between an e-mail from Tony Brummel and a song from Weird Al Yankovic?
A: The Brummel e-mail gets more laughs.
Q: What do you call a hardcore straight-edge vegan that eats meat, drinks, smokes and takes drugs?
A: Tony Brummel.
Q: What’s the difference between the recording budget for a Victory band and the latest addition to Tony’s wine cellar?
A: He pays more for the bottle of wine.
Q: What’s the difference between someone getting chemotherapy and Tony Brummel?
A: The chemo patient looks healthier.
Q: What’s the difference between Tony Brummel and the average hardcore guy?
A: About 30 years.
Q: What’s the difference between a demo and an album on Victory?
A: The demo is actually recorded in a studio.
Q: What do the entertainment community and the medical community both agree on about Tony Brummel?
A: He’s completely impotent.
Q: What’s the difference between Victory Records and a major label?
A: The major label cares about more than just making money and screwing artists.