Unfunny Money: Elitist Asshole Bashes The People’s Jesters

FORBES MAGAZINE BIGGEST MONEY MAKING STAND-UP ACTS OF 2010 (thus no TV Hosts or sitcom stars, just the mic & stage. )

1) Jeff Dunham, $22.5 million (previous year: #3, $30 million). An adopted, cake-eater from Dallas, Texas, who uses puppets? Well of course he’s gonna have to build his own bank. USA! USA! USA! (no offense to the adopted, you are funny.)

2) Dane Cook, $21 million (previous: #4, $20 mil). Ed Hardy T-shirts, Maxim magazine, and Mike’s Hard Lemonade; toss in plenty of goofy genuflections and MySpace – BOOM check please!

3) Terry Fator, $20 million (previous: #9, $10 mil). I have no idea who this person is and aren’t going to bother Googling. I just know he/she also works with dummies, like the kind you stuff your hand up into.

4) Chelsea Handler, $19 million (previous: unranked). You drink. I got it. Now get the sex tape out here, I just hope it’s with a meth’d out Steve Doocy.

5) George Lopez, $18 million (previous: #5, $20 mil). Does have a “talk show” per se (for now) but logs lots of hours on stage. I can recall laughing at Lopez. This may have something to do with my wife being Latino. I like getting laid once in while.

6) Larry the Cable Guy, $16.5 million (previous: #7, $13 mil). Get ‘er over. He’s a dead horse, I’ll keep the whip on the hook. But I would attend a show of his…at The Apollo.

7) Russell Peters, $15 million (previous: #10, $10 mil). Ever flip to the back of a copy of MOJO and freak out at the bands that continually book huge tours in Europe no matter how dreadful they are? There ya’ go…

8) tie: Jeff Foxworthy and Howie Mandel, $11 million (previous: Mandel #6, $15 mil; Foxworthy #8, $11 mil). You might be a redneck if you shave your head and are such a germaphobe you make Howard Hughes look like a sewer worker; although the sewer worker is most assuredly funnier.

10) Bill Engvall, $10.5 million (previous: unranked). More bumpkin-yucks, (can I trademark that phrase?) It’s only a matter of time before one of these Joads does a “show” while actually driving in a NASCAR race. (love, Billy.)

(Jeff Dunham) I’m dyin’ over here