Top Five Weak-Ass Things About Leaving A Comment on the Chunklet Site

1. Leaving some smart-ass comment under a fake name. That’s real bravery captain! Just think if Martin Luther King’s “I Have a Dream” speech was signed: Posted by– m.k.dizzle.

2. Not being willing to back up your comment when threatened with physical violence (we could be the first ‘zine where someone kills a reader for being a little crying bitch—that’s what I call a reverse Dime-Bag Darrel). Please note: This isn’t the land of free speech. This is America; we settle things by fighting, asshole.

3. Taking the time to read through shit that is posted and then bagging on Henry (That really fucking pisses me off). A. He doesn’t give a shit and B. Start your own goddamn website you useless pussy.

4. Not actually writing something interesting or funny that I have to waste my time reading through. I don’t count reposting an ebaum link that everyone has seen a million times as being interesting or funny—it just proves how much time you spend on the web.

5. Writing some gay-ass comment about a shitty band I was in or the fact I have to slave away like an illegal alien yard blower promoting a club. Please do tell me more about how sad and disappointing my life has been! Honestly though, I’d much rather know about you–stuff like: I’m a pathetic, anti-social fuck who put way too much stock in my half-ass math rock band and never even really got to tour or travel. My mom died of lung cancer last year and I never thanked her for putting me through college. I am too goddamn bitter and ugly to attract a decent looking girl so I masturbate to free 15 sec. porn clips into a sock every night. C’mon, I want to hear about your life successes—Thin Frizzy or Bambi Claus or Goo-Stick 666 or whatever your fake bullshit name is. You see, all I want to do is be real bros