Top 10 Things I Hated About 2007

1. The aluminum-ish taste I still can’t get out of my mouth from licking Fergie’s belly ring.
2. Jason Bonham’s doo-rag.
3. The Wu-Tang Clan are still black.
4. Kayne West is still white.
5. I have to change all of my racist hip-hop references from Ludacris to Chromeo.
6. Stiil no concrete conclusion on who has more of a horse face: Feist of Jenny Lewis.
7. The kids who pay to see Against Me! are not dying of terminal cancer or at least aren’t paralyzed and shitting into a zip-loc bag 3 times a day.
8. No one realizes Adam Samberg has the face of Jamie Farr (I call it the Jew Zone) and the talent of Jimmie Fallon (I call it high school drama giggle syndrome).
9. The Arcade Fire only got their ass whipped at Whirlyball once this year.
10. I was drunk and gave Wolfgang Van Halen his first ever hand job backstage at the Forum. Yo, that tummy yogurt wuz insane!