Chunklet: Chafing America's Ass Since 1992
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Silver Apples
Will Hart/The Olivia Tremor Control
14 Irrelevant Questions for 7 Relevant Bands
Butthole Surfers
I Got Game!
Jaded Robot
Indie Rock Branson
Charles Bronson
Yogi versus Mary
Are You Important?
Tickle Me Emo
We'd Take Money With Shit On It
The Wall of Shame
Roommate Horror Stories
50 Signs That You Spend Entirely Too Much Time At A Club
The Spice Islands' Ten Great Escapes
The Smithsonian Folkways Music of Indonesia Series
Good Words for Dumb Reviewers
Minutes from Progressive Disney Research Meeting

Good Words for Dumb Reviewers
BY: Jordan Mamone

A compilation of worn-out record review references, ideas and phrases
by Jordan N. Mamone and Sean Howe

- lo-fi
- sonics (as a noun)
- sonic (as an adj; of course it’s sonic, it’s a fucking record)
- electronica
- hip (and, of course, überhip)
- sound (as in a band’s...)
- stoner rock
- emo
- deliver (bands are not mailmen; they do not deliver music)
- here (as in “here, Ricky Martin melds spicy Latin rhythms and ska-influenced horns”’; a record is not a place, asshole)
- serve up
- shards
- fretwork
- Elder Statesman
- godfather of
- gettin’ jiggy wit
- phat
- quirky
- quietude
- haunting
- Nick Drake
- Beach Boys
- Pet Sounds
- Elephant 6
- rawk
- rock
- rockin’
- ethereal
- seminal
- incorporate (especially incorrectly, without the word ”into” ex: Tricky incorporates hip-hop, guitars and anal sex on his new album)
- offer (as ad-speak for SELL; or ex.: “The Get Up Kids offer a new twist on the emo formula” - Offer? Like you’re benefiting?)
- shimmer
- avant-
- guitar lines (we’re doing coke?)
- brew (we’re making beer?)
- elements (ex: “incorporates elements of punk and jazz”; leave it to the weatherman to mess with the elements)
- group
- band
- funky
- cyber
- anything “millennium” or “Y2K”-related
- effect (i.e. “to dizzying effect”, “to dazzling effect”)
- beats
- eccentric
- atmospheric
- groove
- territory
- stylish
- ‘n’
- lush
- Afro-disiac
- twisting
- tuneful
- alterna-
- alt-
- knack (or penchant)
- prove (ex.: “Suicaine Gratification proves that growing old doesn’t have to mean growing up”)
- Melody
- musings
- old-school
- new-school
- psychedelic
- abstract (duh!)
- ambient (duh! duh!)
- quality
- a sound all their own
- impassioned
- conjures
- reviews that tell you how loud you should play the album
- myriad
- blissful
- reviews that guarantee that you’ll cry. like they fuckin’ know what makes you tear up.
- reviews that guarantee that you will get up and dance. like most people dance when they listen to records alone.
- the early ‘90s
- energy
- feel
- ass, or kicking it
- recall
- anything with ”ear”
- aural
- unabashed
- evocative
- references to musicians’ record
- decidedly
- drop (as in “drop beats” or “drop jams”)
- moody
- plaintive
- heartbreak
- reminiscent
- in a big way
- tweak
- croon (which everyone inexplicable uses as a synonym for sing — you probably ain’t crooning unless you’re effing Bing Crosby — which would hurt quite a bit)
- coo
- stylings
- vibe
- junkie blues
- references to enjoyment of beverage while listening to album
- vinyl
- turntable (what is this, Stereo Review? you don’t read film critics going on about the film projector)
- smooth jams
- smooth grooves
- keeping it real
- blunts
- full-throttle
- 1977
- great for listening to in the car in summer with the top down, etc.
- kids
- anything by Dan Aquilante
- stew
- musings
- inventive

Underused Words
- splayed
- funkateer
- dubious
- flaccid
- goose-pimpled
- beige
- brownness
- barfy

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