Unnecessary c"ause of death: Emphysema

Way to make people think you're interesting: Cite clinical depression

People to worship: Politicians

Art form: Virtuosity on any instrument

Destination of ex-pat Southerners: New York City

Genre to be obsessed with: Ska

Celebrity to be obsessed with and endlessly imitate: Elvis Presley

Indie rock fashion statement: Cheap Velcro shoes

Movie and subsequent sequels: Matrix, Matrix Reloaded and Matrix Revolutions

Physical attribute: Being tall

Schtick: (tie) Orchestrated controversy, and relentless sarcasm

Album you can't escape from on classic rock radio: Pink Floyd's Dark Side of The Moon

Pastime the public goes ape shit over: Sports

Use of a car: Daydreaming

Thing on television: Backup dancers

TV chef: (tie) Mario Batali and Emeril Lagasse

Beverage: Micro-brewed beer

Cuisine: New American

Holiday: New Year's Eve

Publicist: Nasty Little Man

Novelist: Don DeLillo

Sexual position: 69

Radio personality: Ira Glass

Starlet: Scarlett Johansson

Condiment: Salsa

Drug: Cocaine

Bodily function: (tie) Shitting and orgasm

Western European country: Belgium

Chicago Cub: Sammy Sosa

Cartoon character: Hello Kitty

Instant orange drink mix: Tang

Condiment: Astroglide

Lifesaver: Butter rum

Synonym for pancake: Flapjack

Constellation: Orion

Darrin: Dick Sargent

Larry: Hagman

Dick: See hand

Fabric: Denim

Death: Princess Di

Obituary: JFK

Invasion: British

Electrical current: Direct

Cartoon locale: Jellystone Park

Cartoon guest stars: Harlem Globetrotters

Cloud: Cirrus

Puzzle: Jigsaw

Manifestation of self-deprecation: Shame

Commandment: Coveting thy neighbor's wife

Charity: March of Dimes

Genetic defect: Down Syndrome

Underoo: Batman

Women's hair restraint: Scrunchee

Post-Warsaw Pact-era Czechoslovakian leader: Václav Havel

Man-made lake: Mead

Wagon: Radio Flyer

Tag: Freeze

Letter of the alphabet: C

Piece of living room furniture: Entertainment center

Euphamism for an entertainment center: "The Holodeck"

Tooth: Bicuspid

River: Colorado

Excuse: "I forgot"

Canadian: Paul Schaffer

Air filter: AC/Delco

Pseudo-shocking term for confusion: Clusterfuck

Symbol of male homosexuality: A lisp

Symbol of female homosexuality: Amy Ray

Ironic statement of this century: Moustache

Co-billing on a split 7": David Cross on the Chunklet-released David Cross/Les Savy Fav split single

Gyllenhaal: Maggie

False accusation for musicians: Child pornography

Redux of pointlessly competitive high school yearbook activity: Friendster

Celestial event of the last 59,619 years: Mars being closer to Earth than it's been in 59,619 years

Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor: Paxil

Premeditated quirk: Pronouncing "schedule" like "shed-jool"

Book series people usually read because "it's much better than you'd expect": Harry Potter

Guitar activity: Playing guitar

Reason to live: The love of another human being

Sexual practice: The Dirty Sanchez

Currency: Money

Ice cream: The marble slab kind

Form of "comedy": Complaining about George W. Bush

Ass-to-mouth scene: Scene 3 from Weapons Of Ass Destruction

Hope for the future: Children

Spam: EXTEND YOUR ROCK_HARD MORTGAGE RATxz.*&_jgjo./.'_uwejhsxe

Expensive food: Monkfish liver

Long Gone John claim: "I haven't even heard 'Elephant'"

Assasinated U.S. president: Kennedy

Waste of so-called soul cleansing: Fasting

Sex aid: (tie) Ice cubes, candles, penis and vagina

Pseudo-hip goodbye gesture: "The Slide"

Weather condition: Hot

Religion: Buddhism

Vehicle: The SUV

Young Turk author: Jonathan Safran "I-got-$500,000-for-my-senior-thesis" Foer

Way to spend the hours of 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. on weekdays: (tie) Work and sleep

Rating: Underrated

Toe: Pinkie

Ex-girlfriend: Julie

Font: Helvetica

Grievance: Taxes

Fear: Death

Dog: Labrador retriever

Record label: Matador

Grrrl: Kathleen Hanna

Element: Fire

Black rapper: Puffy

Sport: Skiing

Flash-in-the-pan fashion accessory: Foam-mesh trucker baseball cap with semi-ironic logo

Sense: Smell

Smell: (tie) Rose and toast

Non-naturally occurring material: Polyurethane

Alternative-to-corporeal existence: Death

National comedian: Colin Quinn

International comedian: Eddie Izzard

Reason for an indie kid to grow a beard: Grandaddy

Political band: Super Furry Animals

Band who believes they're a political band: Radiohead

Musical genre: Alt.country

Recording engineer: Steve Albini

Penis: Jon Langford

White rapper: Bubba Sparxx

Decade: 1980s

Blind band: Blind Boys of Alabama

Non-profit religion: Atheism

Rock singer: Robert Plant

Thing to write a joke about: How women are different from men

Group to write a racial joke about: Mexicans

Reason to read Chunklet: Because Elyse on America's Next Top Model was reading a copy during an episode

Reason to become a comedian: Because you make your girlfriend and/or mother laugh

Reason to be an asshole: You're jealous of others

Ironic piece of wardrobe: 80s rock T-shirt

Pimp: Bishop Don Magic Juan

Holiday: Christmas

Profession-slash-profession: Musician-slash-Actor

Profitable religion: Judaism

Filmmaker: Wes Anderson

Condescending fat fuck: Michael Moore

Celebrity appliance: The George Foreman grill

Part of pornography: The money shot

Common surgery: Wisdom teeth removal

Vacation spot: Cancun, Mexico

Adjective: Awesome

Bar-B-Que menu item: Ribs

Gen-X food: Ramen noodles

Cum rag/toilet paper: NME

Sexual stimulus: Chunklet

Life-giving gas: Oxygen

Kitschy interest: Mexican wrestling

Pyramid scheme: Christianity

Hair fad: The irony mullet

Graven image: The Alabama courthouse Ten Commandments monument