If you are a music fan and you looked at this list of Record Store Day releases for 2012 you probably thought to yourself "my goodness that is a load of crap I don't want."  But let's be charitable, borrow a little PR-lackey spin-talk, and say that's because of the "incredible diversity of this year's releases."  Let's also go so far as to paraphrase an imaginary press release addressing this issue and say that: "At 284 officially sanctioned exclusive releases, Record Store Day’s annual offering  of incredible music has evolved to the point where you simply can't like ALL the amazing music out there!"  Right guys?  I mean, that's as nice as we can possibly be about this.

What if there was some objective way to quantify exactly how crappy this bloated corporate fleecing of vinyl fans has become?  Enter the number crunchers at Chunklet Co. with this handy breakdown:

Out of the 284 "exclusive" Record Store Day releases this year...

82 or 29% are listed as released by a major label or major label subsidiary.
72 or 25% are listed as released by an independent label which is currently distributed by a major label or major label subsidiary (this includes major-indie labels like Merge or Sub Pop or Domino or Thrill Jockey)
34 or 12% are self-released or vanity-label projects controlled by an artist who currently or formerly appeared on a major label

Throw those numbers together and you've got 188 or 66% or two thirds of all Record Store Day releases from which at least a part of the proceeds go to somebody who probably has plenty of money already.  Does that equate directly to the music being shitty?  Don't ask us.  We're just spewing facts here.  We're not judging.

Brad Rosenberger from Omnivore Records, what bathroom-related function does your record company resemble most?

If we were judging, we'd say that of the remaining "true independent" releases, many are on "rip your balls off and shove them in your eye sockets"-level bad labels like Victory, Bloodshot, Omnivore, Dangerbird, and we swear we are not making this one up, Jealous Butcher Records.  If you’re not familiar with Victory Records, they very clearly wrote their own Wikipedia page including a hilariously feeble publicity-grab over their signing of “the worst band ever,” and are putting out a limited-edition Snapcase reissue.  Snapcase has sucked since way back when Snapcase was Snapcase.

To get an idea of the caliber of organizations now getting involved in Record Store Day, check out this quote by the "CEO" of Brookvale Records, which actually has major-label distribution: “I started this little record label a few years ago but never dreamed I would be working with such amazing bands as 311, Dream Theater, and Ace Frehley.” -Karl Groeger Jr., CEO/President Brookvale Records.  That is a direct pull from the guy's own website.  He wrote that down and put it on the world wide web for all to see without a hint of irony.  THIS IS WHO IS PUTTING OUT RECORD STORE DAY RELEASES.

What’s left that we might actually like?  There’s a reissue of the first Pussy Galore 7”, a Nobunny EP on Goner that’s like medium interesting, the Trouble In Mind covers 7” EP with Apache Dropout doing a Monkees/Nilsson cover on it, The Dan Melchior 12” on Moniker, a Sacred Bones comp, some Sundazed 7”s that seem initially exciting until you realize you’re standing in line for 45 minutes for a Blue Magoos 45, some Vanguard folk/blues reissues that might float your boat or get your hopes up about a Japanese insano-dude overbidding on eBay, some reggae your favorite record store probably won’t have anyway, a Devo live LP (just kidding, we don’t want it), a Lee Hazlewood comp, a reissue of Little Richard’s first album that’s already been reissued a bunch of times, a Tinariwen double LP you could buy if you don’t already have more Tuareg Rock than you know how to listen to, A Deep Fried Boogie Band/Colossal Yes split 7” on Jackpot, a 4-way split 2xLP on the Expo 70 label if you’re into “experimental” (read: boring pretentious) music, a Jeff the Brotherhood live 7” and a Smoke Fairies 7” on 453 Music, a v/a comp on the Bardo Pond label, a “lost” Joey Ramone solo 7” of stuff he recorded in the 90’s, and an electronic covers of Dinosaur Jr. thing that we can only assume is a novelty record.  That’s (probably) it.  Like 20.  Out of like 300.  Just a hair over 7%.

The ubiquitous logo from Snapper Music, the "Indie" label respobsible for this year's Small Faces 7"s

And those are just the “does not immediately induce coma” releases.  We’re not saying we’re over the moon excited about any of these. There might be other good stuff in there too, some of which falls into the highly subjective “already have it” category, some in the less subjective “just not into it” category, and much more in the “additional investigation would cause me to break down and cry at this point” subdivision.

Is that list exciting enough to make you want to deal with the crowds of consume-o-nerds that you’ll have to wade through if you want a chance (none of these is guaranteed) to get your mitts on one of those releases?

Keep in mind that the crush of humanity surrounding your nearest and dearest record store will likely also contain people who might be interested in, most egregiously, a limited 311 (yes, the aforementioned 90’s band) 12”, a Black Keys “limited to 6,000 numbered copies” version of the album they already put out 6 months ago, a Common (the rapper) LP,  a 12” by the drummer from the New Bohemians (of Edie Brickell & The New Bohemians – because the drumming on “What I Am” is “start up a new band 20 years later” level intense), a 7” from the new band formed by the singer from the Deftones, a Coldplay 7”, a fucking Jamiroquai double 12” with CD, a Bruno Mars 10” for fans of both mainstream radio and 10” records, some Widespread Panic and Phish LPs, three 7”es on the Pearl Jam vanity label, a reissue (!) of Lou Reed’s “Transformer” (!!) that is “exclusive on Record Store Day (!!!) but will be released to other retailers in the future,” (which is an EXTREMELY odd way to use the word “exclusive”), and a MOTHERFUCKING GARBAGE 7” by the band “Garbage” and not by a probably much better nonexistent band called “MOTHERFUCKING GARBAGE.”

This list of the worst offenders (20 or so, or 7%) is of course accompanied by the “maybe I could buy this and flip it for $50 on Discogs real quick” limited Arcade Fire 12”s and “I guess I’m glad Leonard Cohen is getting into this whole Record Store Day thing but I’m not sure this record needs to exist” Live EPs and “Hey, it’s the fourth best Destroyers album, that’s cool, I guess” or “I guess somebody out there likes Uncle Tupelo” reissues that make up the bulk of the not 100% horrendous/not exciting middle part of the Record Store Day release spectrum.  Which, scientifically if we’re still keeping track, is 86%.

So there you have it.  Mathematical proof that Record Store Day is 93% horseshit.

We’re not saying you shouldn’t support your local record store, here.  This is a really big sales day for some of the best local businesses in the country, and you should by all means get out there and have fun with it.  What we are saying is that it’s also a really big sales day for some of the worst local businesses in the country, and if you don’t believe us, try record shopping in some shitty record store full of $30 Smashing Pumpkins reissues and entire sections full of Brian Wilson “That Old Lucky Sun” LPs, located in a giganto state school college town near you.  You will find plenty of Bruno Mars 10”es there well into 2015 if they haven’t, as they would so richly deserve, had to close the place the fuck down by then.  We’re waiting for that collapse with baited breath, because we can’t wait for Good Record Store Day.

You'll have to forgive me guys, I'm a little starstruck.

Y'know, having a baby makes it really hard to just throw stuff up on the Chunklet site to entertain and amuse you, but that's not to say that I've not been busy. The Codeine box set is done (!!!!) and The Jesus Lizard "Book" project is nearing completion. Also, the Indie Cred Test [Penguin edition] is due out in August.....

So how do I try to encourage you and yours to help free up some space here at Chunklet HQ? With a 25% discount at the Chunklet store, that's how!

Until the end of April, enjoy a 25% off discount on all purchases at the Chunklet site. Vinyl. Books. Mags. Shirts. Everything.

All purchases will also receive "We're All In This Together. Except You. You're A Dick." and "Vinyl Is Killing the MP3 Industry" stickers for FREE. Yes. We're that stupid nice here.

Or just stupid. Your call.

Hey stranger. How goes it?

Well, I'm sure many are wondering (or possibly trying just to ignore) what's going on over at Chunklet HQ. All I can say is 'tons'. Working on new records, the Indie Cred Test for Penguin, the Codeine box set design, and of course, The Jesus Lizard "Book" project. So yeah, busy. And did I mention I've got an 11 month old demon-in-training?

In the interim, the jokers at Vice have asked for us (meaning Chunklet contribs) to poison their vice.com site. And hey, what do we have to lose? So a handful of writers (including yours truly) have penned venom for those Viacom stooges. And yes, they pay, like, way better than any alt-weekly ever has. *cough*

Death to Norwegian Black Metal

Local Music: The Genre

Snobby Record Store Clerk Therapy: Portland

Slayer Has Some Cool T-Shirts

How To Sell Records Like The Smiths

Sports

The Sad Cult of Steel Panther

What If Rock Music Were A Board Game?

Record Store Clerk Therapy: It's An Adventure

Bring In The String Section: AxCx

Bring In The String Section: Obits

Anyone looking to go to the movies this weekend? Ghost Rider looks promising. Or maybe you feel compelled to give more money to George Lucas for something you don’t want. Some young girls told me The Vow is a thing.

Or if you live in New York or Providence, you lucked out. You can go see a screening of Kill All Redneck Pricks, the KARP documentary. I got a chance to see it when it screened in Brooklyn last month. It’s really good. So good that I bought a copy of the movie I just watched. Then I went home and bought up the band’s discography.

I’m a little ashamed to say that I wasn’t super-familiar with the band before seeing the film. And if you’re not either, don’t worry. It won’t detract from the film at all. The really cool thing that separates this from other band bios is that it focuses more on the friendship and struggles of the band members. The fact that Jared, Chris, and Scott were in KARP is almost incidental.

It’s also very relatable (even if you’ve never toured the world in a rock and roll group). It’s told in a down-to-earth way that makes you feel like you know the guys. I’m assuming if you’re in a position that you’re watching a documentary about KARP that you probably had a larger interest in some sort of rock music when you were in high school. The film captures the goofiness of youngsters starting a band and balances it with seriousness of addiction and death. The final 30 minutes almost feels like entirely different film, but the tone shifts seamlessly giving a really beautiful kind of outcome.

After the screening I caught up with film director William Badgley and discussed the film and the band.

The line going down the steet at last month's Brooklyn screening.

First off, how did the making of this documentary come about, and what are your connections to the band?

I grew up in the early ‘90s in Yakima, Washington. We could go to Seattle or we could go to Olympia. And we usually went to Olympia because what was going on seemed a lot more tangible. Seattle was already established as to what it looked like and what it sounded like. Olympia was the total opposite. It didn’t sound like anything and was more defined by heart. There was a spontaneous artistic explosion. So you got this scene that ended up being a really incredible grab bag that contained bands that (looking back) were leaders of their own enclaves all playing on the same bill. Out of the bands I was watching, KARP was the immediate favorite.

After KARP broke up I started Federation X and that’s how I got to know Jared. We played with all his subsequent bands. I knew him through that. Scott passed away in 2003 it was the first time it occurred to me that maybe this is a story that could be told. And then when Jared and Cody started Big Business was when I pretty much decided to do it. But it didn’t start until 2007. The cherry on top being when they were asked to join the Melvins which KARP idolized as youngsters. I finished it October of 2011.

The film focuses more on the friendship than the band. Was that a conscious decision or did the footage kind of dictate that?

Definitely a conscious decision. Usually you have to know a band personally to know if they’re cool. You didn’t have to with KARP. You knew that they were cool from watching them play. There was a quality in their friendship. They were doing so much sketch comedy between songs. But it wasn’t planned out. It was just tomfoolery. Their relationship was kind of pure in some ways that it was always going. When you first see it you think that they’re doing it for you, but then you see them continue it off the stage. It is the band. You realize that it was going on all the time.

Years later when it became an issue to make a film it seemed a pretty obvious road to go with it. You always have to pick the storyline within the context of whatever you’re covering to follow a thread. This was the obvious one from the very beginning. You can kind of guide the interview subjects a little bit, but you make it easier if you make a thread that makes sense and has a natural flow into the topic.

There’s a line on the DVD: “KARP is the biography of a friendship…because ultimately the sound a band makes is the sound of their friendship.” It’s kind of a hokey statement but I kept it because I felt it was pretty functional and communicated that idea pretty clearly. It’s something that’s incredibly important to me, and it’s something very important about the Northwest. It’s such a beautiful culture that isn’t defined by who can play this well or hired guns or whatever. These albums are really documentations about these friendships and families.

It’s very relatable to people that were maybe outsiders or just really into rock music during high school.

We showed it in eight (soon to be nine) countries, and the overwhelming comment that we’ve gotten is that because of the way it’s structured you don’t have to know or even like the band or that kind of music to enjoy the film. That was something I was hoping for from the very beginning.

It was a film about loving the thing that you do and loving the people that you do it with. Usually band docs are not terribly story driven. They’re usually a combination of exploratory footage organized around a topic. But there’s usually not a linear storyline.

And the Tight Bros From Way Back When are interviewed in the film but not really mentioned. Were there time constraints or did it just not fit for one reason or another?

I had a Tight Bros scene and it was kind of a stillborn. It just didn’t make sense unless you already knew about it. And I don’t feel that that’s a good way to make decisions. The film has to be like a survival kit and contain everything you need to understand it. You bring all your own experiences to dissect things and make it mean something to while logistically containing what you need.

Basically I felt that if I had content that would make those scenes make sense then I would put them in there. In my estimation it would have been stuff like, “It was really cool. Jared was continuing on but he wasn’t playing bass.” It was tangential to the storyline which was about what was going on between the three of them.

Does Chris ever do anything music-related anymore?

He becomes this separate storyline and Jared keeps it tied together because it ends up being about music. Scott doesn’t get that chance obviously to continue that path although it was very clear that he would have having given the opportunity. Chris continues to go in a very opposite direction even in sobriety. So that’s the way I portray it in the movie because that’s the understanding that I have.

Basically he explained it like this “In an alternate reality had I not done all of the initial crappy things that I did, I would still be doing that. It would still be what I'd want to do. Having gone down the road so far off, I’m not interested in treading backwards.”

How has the reception been in other cities? Brooklyn was packed to the brim.

It’s been really great. Usually the cities are about 60-100 people and the smaller towns are smaller groups. It’s been pretty solid and I’m pretty happy with it. We had a few that were much larger. Like 180-200 at one screening.

Are people familiar with KARP outside the Northwest? How about other countries?

Oh yeah. People who learned of Jared through the Melvins have just followed the timeline backwards to Big Business to the Whip to Tight Bros and all the way back to KARP.

After this weekend it’s playing some one-off shows around the country, and eventually going to Australia. So check out or their website or facebook page for show info. If it’s not playing in your city the movie’s available on DVD. It’s worth it. There are a couple live shows in the bonuses. And check back with the site in the future. There are plans to add a chronicle of the band to it.

LA marquee.

About three months ago, somebody from Penguin purchased a copy of The Indie Cred Test from our website. And, well, I didn't think anything of it. However, two weeks later, they emailed me and we started discussing having them release it worldwide....and really, who am I to say no?

The Indie Cred Test will be coming out on Penguin/Perigee in the fall! Yep!

So that's the good news for Chunklet, and this is even better news for our readers. Seeing as how we'll be unable to sell our edition in a few months, we've decided to bundle up all three of our books for a special discounted rate.

For $29.99 you get the Overrated Book (Last Gasp), The Rock Bible (Quirk/Chronicle) and The Indie Cred Test (Chunklet). Yes, that's over 500 pages which comes down to, like, a penny a page or something (I was never good at math). In addition to the three books, we'll also throw in some of the "We're All In This Together" and "Vinyl Is Killing the MP3 Industry" stickers. Like, for nothing!

The Indie Cred Test was voted one of SPIN's top 10 books of 2011, Aquarium Drunkard seemed to dig it, The Village Voice tolerated it and even the jokers at Pitchfork interviewed me about the book. Yes, contrary to many a local press writer, I can actually write. Or, er, kind of.

I know we should've announced this deal to you back in November when you were trying to figure out what to get that special someone, but we couldn't announce the Penguin deal. So, well, time to buy early for Valentine's Day, I guess. Deal with it.